


A Sorrow Sorrow Soul

by Pixy_qq



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: Anger, Angst, Bullying, Cheating, Crying, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Runaway, Screaming, Slight Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, idk I did this in school, idk if there will be a happy ending, san tendo, ships, we’ll figure out I guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:07:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27594581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixy_qq/pseuds/Pixy_qq
Summary: Discounted, as of now:( lost motivationTendo just wanted to fit in... but failed along the way. His heart yearned for affection, was that to much to ask for?
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Shirabu Kenjirou/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself. Also this is just me testing the waters so idk if ima make this official yet. If I do continue ill try and make the next chapters longer than this one.

It was around 5 in the morning, Tendou laid in his bed in silence. He looked at the empty plane wall that stood in front of him.it blocked his view if the outside, where the sky would be blue and the clouds relaxed along the sky, the birds would dance along the fluff we call clouds, family’s would be rushing to their Christmas trees, wanting to open presents as they drank hot chocolate and eat candy canes as the smell of roasted cinnamon that coated their senses... it was Christmas Eve and all Tendou wanted was to full fill his wish of being 6 feet under. No family to hold, no friends and no more lover... this new place felt cold and lonely.

A MONTH BEFORE.

Tendous alarm went off around 6 in the morning, he woke up and groggily turned the phone alarm off. His red hair was a mess from the bad sleep he had last night. The room was cold,,vacant. What woke up the teen was the message he got from Ushijima. Tendou grew a small smile and wiped the grogginess away from his eyes.  
His morning routine was to brush his teeth, wash his face and get dressed . Once he got into his uniform, he grabbed his bag and swayed it onto his shoulder. 

“Here we go..another day”

“Hey Ushi!” The loud red head yelled from the entrance of the gym. Ushijima caught the ball that was being tossed to him to look over at Tendou. He waved with a slight hum, his way of saying hi. Tendou went to the locker room, the smile quickly disappearing from his face. He leaned his head against his locker and took a breath. He had anxiety sense karasuno was having a practice with them, they seemed all bubbly as usual. He cleared his throat and got into his volleyball clothes. He walked back to the court and stood next to ushijima. His hands on his hips as he leaned forward a bit” I didn’t know they were coming over for a practice match today, did you know” Tendou asked as he leaned over more towards Ushijima with his wide eyes” Yeah,, Shirabu had texted me last night, to let me know about them” Tendou went stiff for a split second, he wasn’t a fan of him but he can’t tell Ushijima who to not hang out with sense he is his own person. “ Ahh okay then” 

“ HI TENDOU SAN! HI USHIJIMA!”  
Tendou turned to see the ginger running towards him and Ushijima. He wore a bright Christmas shirt, it was cringe but adorable on Hinata. “Hi weird oneee!” He said as he leaned down to reach Hinatas height , just to tease the boy. “Mn” ushijima mumbled as he looked away then walked away not even a second later. Tendou looked over at him in annoyance. “ Ushijima is always so mean” Hinata whispered yelled, loud enough for Ushijima to hear his comment. Tendou chuckled and nodded in agreement with Hinata “ he has a soft side, he just doesn’t ever show it much… not even to me” Tendou whispered out to Hinata. Hinata was one of the few that knew about their relationship “ yeah… kageyama does the same to me but usually it means that there’s something wrong… so try talking to him and see if he says if anything is up” He smiled.


	2. In the way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get to talk... in a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda got ideas for this story but I need some help, if you know what would make it better, please fucking help me lmao.

The game lasted around 2 to 3 hours. Everyone was amazed by Hinatas and Kageyamas quick attack, even though they’ve seen a multitude of times. Of course Tendos playing was a bit off and worse than usual. He couldn’t stop thinking about Ushijima. He wanted to know what he did wrong, he has been acting straggly for a while now and even some of their friends have noticed it, only person who doesn’t really mention it, is Shirabu.

Maybe he just doesn’t like Ushijima to care 

Tendou sat down at a corner of the gym and grabbed the water bottle that sat next to him. Looking at the others made him a bit uneasy. Of course his mind went straight to Ushijima, his tall, built figure. He was handsome, anyone would drool over that cowboy, he felt lucky … or well he did feel lucky when their relationship was stable and not all loose. He hasn’t even gotten a hug for about a week now, and he was not a big fan of that. 

After about another hour, Karasuno was getting ready to leave. Tendou got up from his little corner, quickly walking over to the other players. “ Bye tall freak” Tendou said to the emo before he walked out the gyms door. Hinata said bye to all the players, walking over to Tendou afterwards “ remember to talk it out, just text me if anything happens or if you need help” 

“ OI!! Boke! Hurry your ass up!” Kageyama yelled from the bus. Hinata roiled his eyes and laughed “ See ya Tendou!” He ran off. Jumping inside the buss. 

Now he was alone…. alone to deal with his problems, no one to help him. A few of the team members knew about him and ushijima but didn’t pay no mind to it, other teams usually helped him out with advice. 

He went to the locker room where everyone else was “Tendou my water is missing, did you take it?” Ushijima said in annoyance. Tendou looked confused “ yeah? I was thirsty… my bad?” He went to his locker and grabbed his clothes and taking off the ones he had on. He hated his body, he felt too thin then he’ll feel big some days. He quickly placed on some clothes before walking to ushijima who was about to leave “Ushi! Can we talk after school? It’s important…” he smiled, holding onto his wrists 

“Yeah” Ushijima nodded and walked out the locker room, leaving Tendou alone. He always felt so cold. He had team members but he felt like they thought of him as a freak. Just like everyone does. 

Does Ushijima think ima freak?

A monster?

Ugly?

A loner? 

A weirdo? 

Tendou quickly pushed the thoughts away, looking down at his feet in shame. 

Shame ? What am I ashamed of? Being myself? 

He started to get a weird boost of confidence. “If he doesn’t love me …. I can find someone else… who actually fucking talks” he says to him self as he grabbed his stuff in anger, walking out the locker room with a slam of a door. 

He rushed over to Ushijima and hugged him” Hey ushi!”   
“Hey Tendou” he said and slightly hugged him back” how were your classes” he asked, looking over at Tendou. “They were okay I guess… just kinda stressful”   
“Mn same here” 

“You wanted to talk about something?” 

“Oh…. it’s nothing.. I just wanted to know what’s going on with you.. you’ve been a dick for like a whole week” Tendou said, acting tough. “ I’m sorry Tendou, its just that school work has been a real pain in the ass” he shrugged “ want me to walk you home” 

“Yeah.. hey not” Tendou grew a big smile.

That’s all it took for him to believe, he needed to grab onto whatever trust he had for Ushijima. Whatever trust..

Trust...

A few minutes before: 

“Ushi... what’s wrong? You’ve been so grumpy, is it because of me?” Shirabu said, hugging onto Ushijimas arm. “Don’t call me that, you know I don’t like it when you call me that” Ushijima said in a tone of annoyance. “Is it because that weirdo calls you that? Ushi! Just break up with him... you look like you hate him most of the time anyway, even the team notices it.. if not... act more nicer to him... I even feel pity for the boy” Shirabu rolled his eyes as he grabbed his bag” we made a deal.. so stick with it Ushijima... for me” Shirabu walked out the empty classroom, leaving Ushijima behind in guilt. He didn’t know what to do, he really didn’t want to hurt Tendou sense he knew he really loved him. Him and Tendou have net had sex yet and they’ve been dating for almost a year,,,,So UShijima decided to find it else where sense Tendou wasn’t ready. Was it his body that he was scared of? Maybe the pain of it being his first time. He didn’t know but it made him feel like Tendou didn’t trust him. 

I can’t blame him for not trusting me at this point. 

Maybe.. I’ll just start saving for his Christmas present. He thought to himself, looking at his phone on online shops.

“Shirabu would like this...”


	3. Excitement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah i kinda don’t know where to go with this so i guess I’ll listen to music and watch some animations for some inspiration.

Later that night, Tendou laid awake...lost in thought. What should he do?

Cut his hair? 

Wear something different?

He didn’t know.. maybe both ? 

Am I not enough? Does he hate my smile?

Tendou was lost... he didn’t know what to do with himself. He was scared of losing his love. He doesn’t want to be left alone anymore. He was tired of people thinking of him as some freak. He’s human, with feelings.... is he not?   
The curtain swayed with the breeze from the ajar window. It was getting cold but Tendou was okay with that. He kinda enjoyed it, it made him feel something other than the sorrow he felt in his heart. The goosebumps rose on his body and his mind slowly went at ease. Closing his eyes and letting his limbs go numb, one by one. It felt nice he thought. His lids began to carry weights as they slowly gave in, his version plunging into darkness. 

“Good night Ushi...” 

Morning came to soon for Tendou. The alarm was like hell to his ears. Just get up ...just get up, he would say to himself. Tendou opened his eyes, looking at the ceiling that creeped above him. Grabbing the alarm and turning it off, was a relief.   
His head was pounding from not eating and getting bad sleep.   
The floor felt like ice to his feet, making his back shiver.   
“Damn its so damn cold.” 

Walking into the gym felt odd, as usual. He went over to the locker room and got himself ready for practice. He walked over to Ushijima and shrugged his shoulders “sooo... wanna go get dinner after school? I’m down for some ramennnnn”   
Ushijima looked over at Tendou and thought for a bit”yeah.. why not” he said, in his regular emotionless monotone voice. Tendou grew a wide grin and nodded” now that’s what I’m talking about!” He went to his spot, glancing over at Shirabu who was staring at him.

Huh? Did I do something?

Tendou looked over at Shirabu and smile with his tongue out”Bleeeh!” Was all he did before turning around when practice started.

Early that morning: 

“Did you think about it ?” 

“No.. I still need some more time, stop asking me.” Ushijima said to Shirabu in annoyance.  
“Fine... “ Shirabu sighed and leaned his head against the locker. “You know....you really inspire him.. why cheat?” 

“... I don’t know...He.. well we haven’t gotten in bed yet i guess, he said he didn’t want to” Ushijima looked over at the other male. “Eh... that’s a bad excuse.. just say you’re bored of the relationship” Shirabu said with stern eyes “It’s okay to admit that ya know,,, but i think you guys should talk it out”   
“I don’t know yet... because i have feelings for the both of you, its hard to let one go” Ushijima said, looking into Shirabus eyes”You understands right?” He said, walking over and leaning down to place a kiss on his soft lips”Give me time to think all this through okay?” 

“Okay...okay fine” 

“Also! I wanna go get something to eat after school! We haven’t been out in a while,,,well not together” Shirabu said, playing innocent. “Yeah why not, I’ll text you after school” Ushijima grabbed his bag that was on the counter of the sink and walked out the locker room to go get something to drink from a vending machine. 

Lunch sucked for Tendou, he usually sat alone and ate nothing but his apple so he walked around campus to clear his mind.   
“It feels nice out today... not so cold like this morning” Tendou said to himself, looking at the other students that were around. He had spotted a big friend group. The group of friends reminded him of karasuno. 

I want that... people i can laugh with.. friends that I can tell secrets with.. do whatever friends do,,,that sounds fun. Oh! Even go out to parks and malls to hang out, I’ve never done that before, not even with my parents really. 

He kept staring at them, lost in thought. The sound of someone’s voice echos through his ears. Snapping back into reality made him realize that they’ve noticed. They were asking if he needed something. 

Walk away, he told himself,,,so he did. He rushed down the sidewalk, heading to his next class early. A smile creeping onto his face of the thought of him and Ushijima and him going to go get some ramen after school. 

“Just about four more hours..”


End file.
